Losing Myself

It’s been an up and down couple days. Sleep is erratic–sometimes great, sometimes terrible–which of course leads to erratic feelings of wellness or lack thereof. I also learned that I may have to spend an extra two days in the hospital next week essentially to keep a room for when I really need it starting Wednesday. That’s really disappointing (though certainly not beyond the absurdities of bureaucracy one finds in hospitals or for that matter universities). But of course I am grateful to my doctor for setting it up that way if that’s the only way I can be guaranteed a room (which I very much do need for the two days I am radioactive). We shall see if I can at least finagle day passes again for Monday and Tuesday, but I probably won’t know until immediately beforehand. It’s a different doctor on my team and a different hospital–Jewish General. If you feel like peeling off a very long and descriptive email to someone next week (especially Wednesday or Thursday, if I can manage to get email in the joint again), I would be a grateful recipient.

I also spent a couple hours reading and commenting on some student work today, and I have to say that I felt more alive doing it than at any other time in the past few weeks. It wasn’t always easy to stay focused, and who knows if my comments are any good in my present condition, but it was nice to be operating in the world of ideas. I don’t think I’m quite ready to revise my own writings or read any thick theory or anything but the combination of ideas and other people took me out of myself, which was really, really good. I will try that again tomorrow. It sure beats sitting around and thinking about how I feel, what particular aspect of my condition is making me feel that way, and how I might feel at some later point.

Also on the good news front, there was evidence of healing when we changed the bandage today. Slowly but surely.

Source: Thyroid Cancer Superbon